I'm Not a Sinner. I'm a Creator. I Stopped Apologizing and Own My Sexual Freedom

For much of my early adult life, I tried to fit into a box that wasn’t made for me. Raised in a Traditional Catholic household, I was taught from a young age that marriage had only one proper definition, that desire had only one acceptable path, and that sex existed for a single purpose. According to these teachings, sexual intimacy was sacred—reserved exclusively for a monogamous union between a man and a woman. Desire, they said, was only valid within that union, and sexual intercourse existed solely to continue humanity. Anything outside this structure was considered immoral, sinful, or dangerous. I believed it completely. I lived my life trying to follow it, working tirelessly to force myself into a framework that didn’t always align with who I truly was.

But the truth has a way of demanding to be lived.

The Awakening

My real sexual journey began between 2006 and 2008 shortly after I had lost my virginity. At that time, I entered into a consensual sexual relationship, as a paramour, with a married woman. This situation challenged everything I had ever been taught in my religious upbringing. It was complicated, intense, and unlike anything I had experienced. It didn’t instantly destroy my belief system, but it exposed the cracks. I felt guilt. I felt desire. I felt thrill. And, I felt alive That’s when I realized something the church never taught me—sexuality isn’t a sin. Lying to yourself is.

From 2008 to 2010, I lived in a tug-of-war between who I was told to be and who I was becoming. I explored, experimented, and battled guilt every step of the way. My dating life reflected that struggle, as I wrestled with conflicting desires and instincts. Slowly, I began to understand that pleasure, honesty, and authenticity shouldn’t be sources of shame. Even as a believer in God, I found myself asking: Why would God create the beautiful act of sex if it wasn’t meant to be enjoyed?

Building a Life

By 2010, life began to settle as I got married. I love my wife and cannot imagine life without her, but love doesn’t erase the complexity of desire. Over time, we began talking openly about fantasies, curiosity, and the honesty within a relationship that many couples try to bury and hide to survive, but can ultimately destroy a relationship.

When I admitted to my wife that I had been with two women sexually while we were dating, I feared it would destroy us. Instead, it rebuilt us—stronger and more real.

That moment became our turning point. We chose radical honesty over shame and silence, curiosity over fear. We opened our marriage step by step—not because it was broken, but because we were brave enough to build something that reflected who we truly are. With choice, consent, and trust, our marriage became stronger than anything I had ever witnessed in a church sanctuary.

Entering the Adult Content World

Eventually, I realized that if I wanted to live boldly in private, I also wanted to live boldly in public. My wife and I began creating content for adult sites a few years ago. We paused and deleted it for professional reasons when I transitioned into a career in law enforcement. But in early 2025, I returned—this time I am bolder—more intentional, confident, and unapologetic.

I create because it empowers me. I love the energy of exhibitionism. Confidence is magnetic, and shame over enjoying natural acts that are neither illegal nor unethical is a prison. I want to normalize what society still pretends is taboo. And the facts show that porn is quietly accepted: roughly six in ten Americans have watched pornography at some point, and 27% in the past month (Institute for Family Studies, 2022). Even among Christians, consumption is high: a 2014 Barna Group survey found that 64% of U.S. Christian men and 65% of non-Christian men viewed pornography at least once a month.

Yes, I was nervous—knowing how some religious family members and conservative friends might react. But I now choose authenticity over approval.

Today, my wife supports me behind the scenes, and I create solo content focused on sexual expression, fitness, body positivity, and personal sexual freedom. I proudly stand with the swinger community, LGBTQ spaces, lifestyle advocates, and anyone unafraid to live their ethical sexual truth.

The Financial Reality

It’s important to acknowledge the financial realities of being a male adult content creator. While the industry has grown, male creators often earn far less than their female counterparts:

• OnlyFans: Average male creators earn $150–$180 per month, after platform fees and taxes.

• Top Earners: Only a small percentage reach $5,000–$20,000 per month.

• Adult Film Industry: Male performers typically earn $500–$1,200 per scene, with top performers reaching up to $1,500.

These figures highlight that financial gain is rarely the primary motivation. For me, creating content is about self-expression, empowerment, and challenging societal norms.

The Real Motivation

To those who judge, whisper, or moralize from a distance—especially hiding behind religion or image—here’s the truth: I’m not living for your comfort. Your disapproval doesn’t define me. Your fear doesn’t control me. Your rules don’t apply to a life you’re not brave enough to live. I am at peace with who I am. Are you?

My marriage is loyal. My choices are intentional and consensual between my wife and me. My life is mine. I’m not hiding. I’m not apologizing. I’m not shrinking to fit a worldview that never fit me. This is my body, my marriage, my voice, my story—and I claim every part of it. There are no more apologies and no more shame. This is my expression and freedom.